Decisions...

Decisions.  I feel like I am swimming in a pool of decisions.  Should I go Route A or should I go Route B?  I (we) have no clue!  This is a strange feeling for me.  Big decisions have always come relatively easy for me.  They didn't always come right away, but they were always made clear to me and with a peace.  Decisions like...

• Becoming a teacher
• Knowing after a weekend visit that the college I thought I was going to attend (all through high school) was NOT where I was suppose to be
• Knowing Evangel University was where I was suppose to go
• Moving to Ohio--even though I didn't know a soul!
• Knowing almost right away that Michael was the person I was going to marry
• Making the decision to quit my teaching job (at the right time)
• Choosing to be a nanny instead

There are many other smaller decisions along the way that have also been pretty easy for me.  Part of the reason why I think things have been easier for me (aside from my relationship with God and trusting Him), is that I think things through.  I can weight the consequences, see all my options, learn from the mistakes of others, etc.  However, I sort of feel stumped lately.  The exact thing that helped me make decisions in the past (thinking things through), is what's making it so hard this time around.

Here are some words to a Sara Groves song that I can relate to right now.  It's called Hello Lord.

Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, cause
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering