Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Talk it out?

Recently I have been hearing, reading, or seeing (on TV) people talking about how they need to have this big discussion with their spouse.  It's either before the baby is born, or after the baby is born and they realize they are not on the same page.  I guess I'm at a loss.  I don't know that there is anything Michael and I really need to "talk out".

First, let me say that some of the questions don't really apply to us.  For example, to circumsize or not to circumsize.  We are having a girl, so it's irrelevant.  (Although, I had no idea it was becoming such a hot topic.  I thought it was sort of a given?!)  Or, to baptize or not to baptize and in what church.  We don't believe in infant baptism, and the people that have to "discuss" this are usually people that don't really have a church.  We have a church, and she will be dedicated.

I think we were raised similar in some areas and very different in others, but overall we have the same beliefs, hopes, dreams and goals for our family and our child(ren).  We also have the same basic views on discipline, structure, and rules.  Am I being naive?  Am I missing something?

We know each others strengths and weaknesses.  I know that when it comes to having a baby, there are times that Michael will lean on me and my knowledge of children.  I also know that there will be times ahead where I will lean on him and his knowledge.  Overall, we are a very good team.  We have a pretty easy marriage (at least I think we do).  We are both very verbal, and I'm sure we would say something if necessary.  We both are also willing to compromise.  I know everyone says having a baby "changes things" and makes a marriage harder.  Since I don't have one yet, I don't know what to expect.  I really think we'll be able to work together pretty well though.

So to all you veteran parents out there...  Did you sit down and have a talk about how things are going to be done?  Do you wish you would have?  Is there something that you think Michael and I need to "talk out" before the baby is born?

I will say that the one thing we already have been discussing (and need to keep discussing) is what we want to happen to our children in case something should happen to both of us.  We know we need to get a will in place.  We've had a brief discussion about it already.  We pretty much agree on the "checklist" of things we want in the person(s) we will be leaving our children to.  A few names have been thrown out, but nothing has been settled.  Other than that, I just don't know what there would be to discuss.

I really am curious, so I look forward to your answers! :)

1 comment:

  1. We never had a big talk, probably because like you and Michael, we have the same beliefs and for the most part were brought up the same way (dedication, discipline, etc.). We did talk about responsibilities..such as you change the baby and I'll feed the baby (in the middle of the night)baths, diapers, etc. I think having a baby DOES make a marriage harder--but if you have that strong foundation to begin with, it's not like your marriage is going to crumble because you have a baby--but when it's just the 2 of you then you go to 3, things can get challenging, alone/date time is hard to come by and you're tired and sometimes you don't have as much patience and understanding that you used to. I know that you guys are open communicators, and that is the key after having a baby too...tell him honestly what you are feeling, exhausted, overwhelemed, etc. I will say that you will continue to have "talks" as the child grows..since every child is different and requires different needs, you may have to talk about how you will handle the situation when your child does a certain thing (like tantrums, being mouthy, saying bad things, etc.) And last but not least, going from 1 to 2 kids, is SO much easier and doesn't make your marriage any harder--and I think after you get into routine, it makes a marriage better, seeing your spouse w/ your children makes you love them in a way you haven't before!!