Follow up on "Win, Lose or Tantrum"

A week ago I asked you what your thoughts were on younger kids and games.  Do you always let them win?  Do you think you should let them win? Or do you play the game and whoever wins, wins?  Thanks to the four of you who piped in and answered my question! :)  I'm not surprised with the answers at all.  I told you I'd share my opinion, so here it goes...  (I'm sure most of you could have guessed my thoughts on this, but oh well!)

I do not believe you should always let your kid win... even when they are 3 and 4 and all small and cute.  I do believe, that even though most of the comments I got were somewhat along these same lines, that most people do let their kids win most, if not all, of the time.  Unfortunately, they are not doing themselves or their kids any favors.  Sure, they may be avoiding a small meltdown, but in the long run, what are they teaching their child?

Here are some of the reasons I don't think it's good to let your kids always win.

• You don't always win in life.  By always letting them win, you are telling them that they can and will always win.
• If you have given the above message, when they are at the age where they start playing games with others, do you think it's going to be a pretty scene when they lose?
• It instills a very competitive spirit.  Not that being competitive is wrong, but when kids are first grade fighting over who put their paper in the basket first because they have to win, it's not a good situation.
• How can you learn to be a good sport when you always win?
• You lose all teachable moments when they always win.
• Cushioning your child's ego at such a young age isn't necessary.  Kids need to know both sides.

That being said, I don't think you have to be mean and whoop your kids at every game.  I don't even think that you have to win every time either. What I'm saying is that there has to be a balance.

Some games Little Man and I play are chance.  I can't help it if I win any more than he can help it if he wins.  I don't throw games like that, or manipulate it so that he can somehow win.  I make sure that no matter who wins, we always shake hands or high five and say something like "good game" or "thanks for playing with me", or "you did a great job!".  Does Little Man like to lose? No! What kid does? But can he now lose gracefully? Absolutely.

Other games are more strategy.  For instance, Little Man is really into tic tac toe.  He has this game board where you can just put the piece down.  Now, if I played like just my normal self and Little Man played like his normal self, he would never win.  In this case, I do sometimes throw the game so he can win.  I'm not out to crush his spirit.  I don't want him to hate the game or playing with me.  That being said, I don't just throw the game to throw the game either.  I teach him.  I say something like, "Oh, I don't think you want to put that X there.  You need to block me".  Or "is there somewhere else you could put that X so that you could have three in a row?".  He's 4.  He doesn't get the strategy yet.  It's all about learning.

Those are my thoughts.... like them or not! :)