Contemplative

Over all I'd say my blog is a little fun, a little informative, and pretty surface.  Sometimes I think that's how my life is.  I tend to be the crazy or funny one, not necessarily the deep or intellectual one.  The funny thing is, I'm all the above.  Ok, so maybe not so "intellectual", but whatever.  If you remember from my personality post, I am half choleric (which everyone knows right off the bat) and half melancholy.  No one lets me be melancholy.  Actually, I bet most would choose sanguine for me far before they'd choose melancholy.  If I'm quiet, people ask what's wrong.  Why can't I just "be"?

Again, with the title of the blog... "The Many Layers of Me".  I sort of feel like I need a new title.  I haven't hardly shown any layers.  I mean, some people may now know that I'm crafty that didn't know it before.  Some may have realized I can cook, or love cooking.  Those really aren't layers though.

Why is that? Why is it that I so desperately want to be authentic--and am to the best of my ability--yet I can't open up and be me?  I want people to know the layers of me.  I don't want to be just the funny girl, or just the story teller.  Somehow I can't let down my guard.  Or probably it's better stated, I won't let down my guard.  The funny thing is, it's not because I am ashamed or have anything to hide.  It's more out of protection of others.  But then that beckons the question, "why am I protecting those who did nothing to love and protect me?".  It's a cycle.

 This post is all over the place, and I'm sure it doesn't even make sense to most of you.  Sorry.  I'm just in a contemplative mood and decided to share my ramblings.