Is blood really thicker than water?

This has been on my mind the past few months.  OK, really it's been something I've tossed around for years.  Recently though, it seems that "family loyalty" statements get thrown around left and right.  You've probably heard a few.  "Blood is thicker than water" is one.  Or how about "you can choose your friends but not your family".  Of course there is the "friends come and go but family is forever" line.  I think you get the point.  Fill in the blank with your own "family is super important" quote.  My question is... is it really?  Or is that just an ideal we float around to make ourselves feel better?

What is family?  There are a few definitions and in my search for a good one I found that they have evolved over time.  There are definitions that have to do with "being in a loving relationship", as well as "parents and children living under the same roof".  Probably the definition that most of the above statements are made about is the one that states, "A group of persons sharing common ancestry".

I'm just not sure I buy it.  Don't get me wrong.  Family is important.  There are people in my family that I love deeply.  There are people in my family that I adore.  There are people in my family that I respect.  There are people in my family that I look up to and admire.  There are people in my family that I trust.  There are people in my family that are truly my friends.  But for all of those verbs there are equally people that I have the opposite feelings for.  Is that bad?  It's the truth.  Some people in my family just down right annoy me.  Some have hurt me deeply in the past...wounds that, as much as people want to tell me to get over, I just can't.  Some people in my family have (wrongly) judged me based on--their imagination? lies they heard? who knows.  Some people in my family have spread some of these lies.  Is that the "blood" I am suppose to be loving because it's "thicker than water"?

I can probably guess what some of you are thinking--I need to forgive.  Trust me.  I get that.  But beyond forgiveness, I still don't believe that sharing blood with someone washes away a multitude of sins.  I also don't think that I am perfect.  I am not a perfect sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, niece, or granddaughter.  I know that.  But I also believe you reap what you sew.  There are many people in my family, that when they should have been sewing into my life (when I was young), chose not to.  Now they wonder why they are not close with me.  If you sewed nothing into my life, why would you now be reaping a "best friend" relationship?  Quite frankly, this baffles me.

Is "family" the person(s) who leaves their puking child at school because they don't want to use one of their (many) sick days?  OR Is "family" the neighbor who brings you a milkshake when your throat hurts so bad you can't talk?

Is "family" the 'grandparent' that gives you a fuzzy nasty blanket for Christmas at age 8 (while the real grandkids get video games), OR Is "family" my friends parent's who give me a large gift card in some of my toughest times?

Is "family" the people that say "Sorry, I can't help you" when you're car will no longer work, OR Is family the adopted dad that takes your car to get oil changes, fills it with gas and helps run it to a mechanic when it starts making a weird noise?

Is "family" the person who says "I'm not paying a dime for your wedding" when first hearing about my engagement, OR Is "family" the friends that saved coupons for me and ran all over Columbus looking for cheap supplies and decorations?

Is "family" the person that, for whatever reason, chooses to not talk to you for years, OR is "family" the people at church who met me my first weekend living here in Columbus and immediately accepted me as one of their own?

Is "family" the people that can't call on your birthday, send a Christmas card to the right address, and change Christmas plans to go with other people, OR is "family" the friend who makes a "100 days until your wedding" date basket?

Is "family" the people who judge your decisions/views/character, OR is "family" the college roommate who has wildly different beliefs but can love and respect me for me.  Who can pick up the phone and pick up right where we left off?

What do you think?  Does sharing blood with someone automatically mean they are exempt from bad behavior, loved and respected?  Or is "family" the people who surround you with love and support--some who share your blood and some who don't--regardless of who you are and the mistakes you make?

Maybe it's me.  Maybe I'm bitter.  I just don't think sharing blood gives license to ignore, abuse, hurt, neglect, judge, or berate someone.  I'd rather surround myself with people who uplift me rather than tear me down.... blood or no blood.